awkwardly hopeful

first of all, wanted to apologize—haven’t done a post in 9 days. (not like anyone’s reading this, but it bothers me that I haven’t found time). very, very busy, and I would like to write more, but of course it’s late so I’ll need to try again tomorrow. (really need to stop doing this right before I go to bed).

and crap. so here comes another valentines day where nothing is going to happen. there are definitely people who I wish things would happen with but it probably won’t happen with in only a week. stupid valentines day. and here goes the crappy rant that all single people say right before this “great” day: “alex, i’m good enough to be without someone. i’ve lived long enough without one, i can keep doing so. so what, if I would love to know how it feels to be loved. so what if this holiday is literally the worse holiday ever. i’m going to put on a smile on february 14th, ignore all of the happy couples, and pretend like i don’t care.” if only it was that easy.

“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby just say yes.” -Taylor Swift (Love Story)

    xoxo <3 xoxo

I really need to start writing these posts earlier in the day, not right before I go to bed so I only have two minutes to do it :/ however, today was so fun. I woke up and had my first driving lesson! and it was complete bliss <3 I could’ve stayed in the car for hours more just driving. it wouldn’t matter to me where i went, as long as I was at the wheel. then I came home, cleaned my room and organized my closet (finally have some space to buy some new clothes! :) and then I went over to my friend’s house for a sunday night dinner tradition. we don’t get to do it as often as we used to (when we went to middle school together it would occur almost every week) but it makes me so happy when we do get the chance for our families to have dinner together. and I automatically feel so much better. so much closer to the real me. lately, although i’m definitely still myself, i’ve felt a little out of it. I lost the silly part of me that was so real a few years back. but when I catch myself back in those instances, as I did today, it reminds me that although I’m growing up, I don’t need to lose the young naive part of me.

          “Dreamers
           You see everything in color
           While the world is getting darker
           Love is on its way” -Jonas Brothers (Love Is On It’s Way)

    xoxo <3 xoxo

so today started off with a very long, very early in the morning test (SAT test to be specific). then another two hours of sat class (yes, my dad is absolutely crazy— he made me go to my sat class right after taking the full sat test…) however, the day turned around perfectly ending with me on the couch, laptop my lap, chai tea and brownie on the coffee table, and twenty tabs open in mozilla. it can’t get much better then this.

songs/covers I recently (as of today) started to love:

-“Life Is Sweet” by Natalie Merchant (along with her songs These Are Days, Wonder, and Jealousy)

-“The Broken Ones” by Dia Frampton. I’ve loved her since she was on The Voice, and today I came across her and her sister’s youtube channel and watched 30 of their videos… (love their cover of Ignition and Pursuit of Happiness)

-“Island of the Sun” by Weezer

-“Take Care” by Florence and the Machine is probably one of the best covers I have ever heard. their cover “addicted to love” is great too.

that’s all for today. productive, right? :)

“fly, open up the part of you that wants to hide away. you can shine, forget about the reasons why you can’t in life and start to try, cause it’s your time, time to fly” -Hilary Duff (Fly) xoxo

so once I woke up today, I knew it was going to be one of those day where I just wanted to be in bed. unfortunately, not missing class and basketball permitted me to go to school. luckily, when I finally got home at 6, I was treated to a yummy dinner and a couple hours of much needed tv watching time. if only I had a few more hours though.

this weekend embarks on many firsts for me. tomorrow I take my first SAT and then on sunday I’m finally taking my first permit driving lessons. several possibilities for failures, but i’m hoping for greatness. (wow get me some crackers cause that was just wayyy cheesey)

          “All I want is a dream life life
           With the ones I love
           Playing all day long
           Laying back by the water side
           With nowhere to go
           And the music on
           All I want is my dream life
           To be my real life
           How could that be wrong
           All we have is this life
           So make it be what you want
           All I want is a dream life, life
           All I want is a dream life, life”

                  -Colbie Caillat (Dream Life, Life)

  xoxo <3 xoxo

so I got to sleep in today. which was amazing! I woke up at 8:30 (I had two frees first period!) but after that it was never ending. From class to class, trying to print something a million times, getting glue all over my shirt (that’s what happens when I try to help the promotional arts society with Frost decorations -__-), not getting picked up till 5 (thankfully no basketball today), then going immediately to take a practice SAT test (and I thought it was only going to be the reading and writing sections, but it turned out he wanted me to take a full one…so it took an hour and a half extra) to finally coming home tonight at 9:30 just to start my homework. (yes, I know that was a complete run-on) And if it can’t get worse, I have NO FREES tomorrow, so I need to get all of my work done tonight.

What was weird was that a lot of my classes were connecting. the slavery topic in my history class and then it was again in my english class; then we were talking about ethics vs. morals is bioethics and that just had me thinking the whole day about my “values.” then it brought me to the topic of “what the hell am I doing with my life?” we aren’t on this earth for too long, so why should I waste it with people who just make it annoying? I need to fully move on and get passed the person who’s been holding me back the past few months. he wasn’t worth it and hopefully today will be the day I finally move on.

          “But there’s a side to you
           That I never knew, never knew.
           All the things you’d say
           They were never true, never true,
           And the games you play
           You would always win, always win.

           But I set fire to the rain,
           Watched it pour as I touched your face,
           Well, it burned while I cried
           ‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!”

                            -Adele (Set Fire to the Rain)

    xoxo <3 xoxo

Today just was just exactly what I needed. A no drama-filled confusing day. Just one where I organized exactly what was going to happen, and it worked out just as it needed to. The invite hand-out went out without a problem, and although it isn’t everyone’s type of event, hopefully people are seeing that we are working hard to make it a fun one.

So I talked to A LOT of people today, and it was kind of fun to branch out and learn things. I had a few new classes, and I’m actually IN LOVE with my english class. haha it’s a great class.

The next few weeks are going to be hectic. But I have to remember to stay calm, and just push through. I can do it.

          “A drop in the ocean,
          A change in the weather,
          I was praying that you and me might end up together.
          It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
          But I’m holding you closer than most,
          ‘Cause you are my heaven.” -Ron Pope (A Drop in the Ocean)

xoxo <3 xoxo

this will be a quick post because I’m tired and I need to go to sleep asap!

Today was the first the first day of the 2nd semester and it has suddenly inspired me to keep on my studies. I don’t want to fall behind and mess up all of the hard work I did in the first semester. I really believe I can do it. I just have to stay focused!

Luckily I had no homework tonight (yayayyaya :) so I spent like two hours working on organizing our school’s winter dance. we’re working really hard on it, and I hope people will come! It should be a fun night. Right now, everything seems pretty swell. I’m content with life, and I pray nothing will mess it up.

“It’s always darkest before the dawn.” -Florence and the Machine (Shake It Out)

xoxox <3 xoxox

sorry for the length of the title, but it just so happens to go with the length of my shower this evening: very, very long.

today was just weird. as I got exams back, some great, some terrible, I kept finding myself in these really awkward situations. and did they involve boys? obviously. but what’s weirding me out is how confusing it’s making me. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

All I can is that the highlight of my day was getting my math exam back, watching Target Lady and Stefon (SPICY!) videos with my friend. The low-light is getting my history exam back and getting choco taco ice cream in my hair. But what’s important is that i’m going to go to bed happy, and ice-cream-in-the-hair ridden.

     “I keep telling myself things can turn around with time
     And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
     Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
     Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
     Then I come back down
     Then I fade back in
     Then I realize its just what might have been.

     Am I a shadow on your wall
     Am I anything at all
     Anything to you
     Am I a secret that you keep
     Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
     Some day I just keep pretending
     That you’ll stay dreaming of a different ending
     I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
     And I can’t keep something that I never had
     That I never had”

xoxo <3 xoxo

    P.S- today I officially became the godmother of julia and harrison’s baby egg! woohoo! <3